Sunday, March 3, 2013

How to answer the ever-present question: Why are you still single?

First, let me preface with a disclaimer: I have never been in a relationship before.  Yes, I am almost in my late twenties and no previous boyfriends.  So I get this question quite a bit.  Things went from family and friends saying, "Don't worry, you're so young.  You have lots of time!" to something more along the lines of, "What about that guy over there?  He looks nice."

At a Family Camp last year, there was only one man that was there that was around my age and single.  Wow, let me tell you, every person in my family as well as my church made sure that they told me how great of a guy he is.  There were definitely no subtle hints...more like they were already planning the wedding!  Haha, I didn't really mind, but it sure made things awkward when this man and I finally did talk as both of us knew that we had a lot of eyes watching us.

When it comes to question, "Why are you still single," I've always struggled with how to answer that.  I recently came across an advice column on 10 comebacks to that very question, Ten Great Comebacks to the ‘Why Are You Still Single?’ Question.  Some personal favourites of mine are: "My mail-order spouse should be here any day now" and "Name one married superhero.  Exactly."  I especially loved the superhero comeback until a friend of mine informed me of a few superheroes that actually are married.  Bummer!

It hasn't been easy, remaining single this long.  My answer to the question, "Why are you still single?" is not necessarily straightforward.  However, I believe that what it all boils down to is that I truly have not found the right man yet.

Back when I was in my teens, I felt that God was calling me to wait until I felt His blessing before moving forward into a relationship.  Not going to lie, I'm pretty sure I didn't date some guys simply because I was too afraid that I would make a mistake.  I took dating relationships very seriously (still do).  Before, my hesitance in dating someone might have been partially due to my fear, but looking back, I honestly believe that none of those guys were truly God's best for me, neither was I God's best for them.

Back to the present day.  I certainly want to find love, get married, and start a family.  That desire gets stronger the older I get.  I see more and more of my friends leaving the single life behind and starting their own families.  Yet, I can't deny that God has placed unique opportunities in my life, such as this blog, that I might never have been able to do if I had gotten married years ago.

I have no desire to settle for someone who might be a great guy, but not God's best for me, simply because I no longer want to be single.  The fact that I am still single is my choice.  Yes, there have been times where there simply seemed to be not many options for single Christian men in my area.  There have also been missed opportunities, as well as times when I have said no to a potential relationship, or where the man said no to me.

Through it all though, I have no regrets.  I honestly believe that God knows my heart has always been to honour Him in this area of my life.  Even my human shortcomings can't get in the way of God's best for me because He knows my heart is to be obedient to Him.  He won't allow me to miss out on His best for me.

Therefore, I have no shame in replying to the question, "Why are you still single?" with a simple, "I have not found the right man yet."  It's not a bad thing to have high standards as far as the character and faith of your potential spouse is concerned.  Although I strongly desire marriage and am certainly not afraid to put myself out there to find the right man, I am enjoying my life right now as a single woman.  My life is full and I am so thankful for all the blessings that God has brought into my life.

My encouragement to you is not to be ashamed of being single.  You are not somehow less of a person because you are not in a relationship.  Not settling for just anyone because you want to experience love is an honourable thing.  Feel confidence in who God has made you to be and shake off that shame of your single status.  You are God's treasure, single or married!

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